Lying makes you fat

It would be nice if it would be true. It could maybe make people lie a bit less, even if only to keep fit. In the dictionary it says that lying is cheating, a sham, a fraud, falsehood, a deception of the senses or of the mind, a mistake, illusion, fable, a fiction. Unfortunately, everyone lies. There are so many ways to lie and there are so many reasons or non-reasons for lying. And it’s all just a big waste of time in which a person turns out to be stealing the right of another to the truth. Nobody likes to be robbed, but everyone steals. There are many acting courses for television and cinema, so many creative writing courses that I do not understand our need to still tell lies. At least, we could have the sympathy of pulling out from our pocket one of those blocks of 3 steps that we can find in IKEA and, while climbing the steps to get attention, advise our audience that ‘What I will say now is a big lie that will make you very happy for now’ or that ‘I will tell you a story that never happened but I wish it had so that I could be in your eyes a more interesting person.’ And there you go, after this introduction everyone would have my blessing for lying with all the teeth God or Allah gave them. A bit of honesty would not hurt anyone. I think that notifying the other that we would be shooting a lie would be actually better than everyone having to walk around with the feelings-proof vest on. So that nobody would be fooled by a golden door, which ultimately leads to the horse stables. Therefore, ‘Look, I’ll tell you something false now to give you this impression of a modern girl, and because I don’t want you to take me for granted I will have this casual look of I-don’t-know-maybe-yes-why-not-at-what-time-do-we-meet?’ Or maybe we should just create a no-sign, a symbol or a prohibition sign to ban lies and flood the city with them. And from that day on it would be, at least in some places, ‘Forbidden to lie’. That sounds like a good idea since the other prohibition signs seem to work, see the ‘Don’t step on the grass’ one, for example. There are very few people that once warned, trample the grass. We would just have to worry about few rebels and the illiterate. Well, for those nothing that a Pinocchio’s face with a red diagonal line over would not solve. There are already so many of these platelets: ‘No smoking’, ‘Forbidden to swim in the river’, as if I would try to swim ashore, or more unusual, like ‘Forbidden to chew gum’, that I once saw in Singapore, or ‘Prohibited to spit on the floor’, which I absolutely think it is a fair deal since we also don’t see the floor spitting around on people. At the entrance of all the malls in Abu Dhabi, in the UAE, it can be read ‘Prohibited acts of affection’ (curiously I have never seen one that says ‘Forbidden to hurt’) and I saw some that say ‘Forbidden to urinate in the elevator’. I admit that this one made ​​me stop and read it twice. And of course, read and done, I felt like peeing. But is peeing in elevators something that would happen so many times that they would have to ban it? Would it be common to hear ‘I’m just going to the elevator to pee and I’ll be back in a second’? I drank so much water today that I will go for sure until the seventeenth-floor. On a normal day I would only go up to the third floor. And are those people who pee in the elevator the same people who talk on the phone in the public toilets or inside the Movie theatres? ‘Forbidden to pluck flowers from the garden’, I saw this one also in Abu Dhabi. Aren’t they romantic people? They do not walk hand in hand in public but they are constantly offering flowers. I understand though that some of these signs, however strange they might be, must be indispensable in certain locations or for certain people. So I believe that a ‘Forbidden to lie’ may bring positive results. Imagine this sign in cafes, in bars, in restaurants. ‘Forbidden to lie’ in car parks, in gardens, in schools, in the Parliament (my God, in the Parliament!), in police stations and even in churches. Mainly in churches, and right at the entrance door. Or for example: ‘Don’t drive and lie’. Like this we would also reduce the traffic accidents, since using the cell phone is, aside drinking, one of the biggest killers on the road. Whatever. At least we would have places in the world where we would feel safe, since trusting each other is, after all the lies we have told and heard, a bit out-dated and only the idea seems already an illusion itself. I admit I lied a few times and the truth is that once in a while I almost understand why we all end up lying sometimes. There are lies that may appear to be in some cases almost charity. Almost an act of good will, of a good-hearted person. But it is not, and it should be prohibited. Whatever the motivation or intentions, we all win with the truth, though sometimes only in long term. To tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is simple, requires less work, less worry, less memory capacity, and no one loses time with disappointments. And I have good news for all of us liars. If we tell the truth, the world will not end, Siamese twins will not born, the tomatoes of Ms Alice’s farm will not suddenly rot, the Earth’s gravity will not disappear, we will not have seven years of bad luck, and the stars will not die more quickly. Telling the truth does not grow pimples on the face of anyone, nor on your nipples, it does not cause lung cancer, telling the truth does not cause more car accidents, and no one will end up pregnant. Telling the truth does not make you fat also. It’s a very basic thing, which creates uncomplicated situations and it regenerates you, making you more beautiful inside out. Do it. It must be put into practice, take the dust off of it, dry the moisture from it, and if it is difficult to start because of your previous bad habits, start by exercising it only ten minutes per day. But you cannot tell a single lie, whether white or black, whether yellow with polka dots. And it is cheating if you practice the truth while alone in bed. That doesn’t count, although that would also be useful for who lie to themselves. Try it. The following week go fifteen minutes without lying, and go on, in a brave and determined manner, driven by good true intentions that don’t end up in hell, until you make it through the day without a single lie. It seems to me more interesting for all of us a sign prohibiting people from lying, than one banning chewing gum or not allowing us stepping the grass. I would even say that the sign ‘Forbidden to lie’ is as necessary and urgent as the sign for ‘No smoking’. Both are bad for your heart.

Girl: the ultimate insult

I don’t know since when being a girl is a bad thing, but it is. If you see boys playing in the streets, an old-school thing that used to happen before the smart phones and online gaming existed, you will often hear sentences like ‘You throw like a girl’. It is true: studies by the university of Texas confirm that nearly all boys are better at throwing balls than girls. But is that a reason to trash girls all the time? Okay, we rotate our hips and shoulders together, which doesn’t get the ball far, and so what? We are better at other things, and we don’t trash men. We don’t say to a woman that cooks bad ‘You cook like a man.’ We just don’t do it. Or I will not admit it because it is not convenient right now. And think about this: what is the worse possible thing we can call a woman? Slut, whore or bitch. The worse thing you can call a guy is fag, bitch or girl. So, you insult girls and boys by calling them girl! Being girly is something bad for both genders. Girl is the final insult. Don’t you guys have mothers? You will likely compliment a girl who drives well by saying ‘You drive like a man.’ and if you want to offend a guy you’ll say ‘You drive like a girl.’ Why is it being a man something great and being a girl so bad? What a beautiful men’s world. If a guy is self-assured he is just self-assured, if the girl is self-assured she is an arrogant bitch; if a guy climbs trees he is active and agile, if the girl climbs trees she is probably a tomboy or a lesbian; if a guy has many sexual partners he is experienced, if a girl has many sexual partners she is a whore. Even some of us women think and say these things out loud! Boys trash girls and we help them! Nobody chooses his or her gender at birth, but if we could, I think most of us would choose to be a man. And that is wrong. At this day-and-age with violence against woman numbers getting worse, birth control madness, mommy wars, and lower pay for equal work, I wonder why as a cherry on top we have to see our gender being used as an insult. What is the message? If you are a woman be prepared to fail? If you are a stay-at-home mom you are useless and you are living on the expenses of your husband, bitch. If you are a career-mom then you are obviously not a good mom, bitch. When will we be worth of a word of compliment? When we become men. And people wonder why in general, men appear to be more comfortable in their skin, with their weight and perceive less pressure to be thin than woman. The big belly in a man’s body is a sign of success, and in a woman, she is just fat. Men will not want her anymore, she will end up alone with a box of chocolates and instead of naming her kids she will be naming a cat. That is also why nervous anorexia is more prevalent among adolescent females than males. The world is infested with models in magazines and in TV, naked pictures of girls with perfect bodies and that makes women see themselves as over-weight and ugly. Then they hurt themselves trying to get as thin as them. But not everyone can look like Barbie, who is now 55 year-old and still beautiful and thin, so unhappiness, insecurity and eating disorders are the everyday result. In ten years we will be seeing also grandmas experiencing anorexia because grandpas will still want Barbies. Well, I run like a girl, I cry like a girl, I drink water like a girl. And that should mean only one thing: that I am a girl.

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